“Do you want to come to my birthday party?” I asked with a smile. I hardly knew her, and yet I hardly knew anyone. And she was kind.

When I moved provinces, got engaged and got married, I didn’t really know anyone except my now husband. I wanted friends, and I really missed my loved ones far away. I craved the deep friendships that I had had at Bible school and with my family. I was so happy, but sometimes I felt lonely.

Now as a Mom a few years later, God has blessed me with some beautiful friendships, but I also feel the need for connection differently. There is something about being a mom that makes you yearn for friends in the same stage of life as you. It can feel lonely without this connection. Without mom friends, the challenges can feel more challenging and the exhaustion more exhausting.

Do you have mom friends – women who are in the same stage of life as you, with whom you can walk beside? Are there ladies in your life that get you, that you can call up for playdates, coffee dates, and stroller walks?

Friendship is a gift, but it is not something that’s a given. Many people are lonely, and young moms are no exception. Though they may have a few kids in tow and a wonderful, caring husband, they may long for female friendship, camaraderie, and feeling like they belong. Young moms need encouragement, someone else who is navigating the beautiful trenches with them. They need other women who were also up at 2 AM feeding their babies and seeking to be good and godly moms to their kids.

Young moms crave this friendship, and I think it is a God-given desire.

So why does connection feel so hard sometimes? Why is it challenging to meet people, to find a village, and to make mom friends?

Here are some thoughts.

Why is it so hard to make mom friends?

1. We might not know where to meet young moms.

One of the reasons it can be hard to make mom friends is that we don’t know WHERE to find them. Should we meet them at the park, community events, church, or an online Facebook group? There are a lot of places to meet people, and yet it can feel overwhelming to know where to start.

2. Putting ourselves out there is scary.

Taking that first step – saying hello and seeking connection – is nerve-racking. Nobody wants to be rejected. Nobody wants to appear silly, and reaching out to someone new threatens both.

3. People seem too busy.

Other moms have a lot going on. Their lives are busy. Their plates are full, and we assume they probably have a lot of friends already. We wonder if they’ll even have time for one more.

4. Hosting intimidates us.

Inviting someone into our home – especially someone new – may be uncomfortable. We wonder if our home is “good enough.” We might doubt we have what it takes.

Why Mom Friends are Important

1. We were made to be in relationship.

We need each other. God designed us to thrive and do best while living alongside others. In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” He then creates Eve, a helper for Adam, not only a lover but a friend. Throughout Scripture, God often works in and through His children in the context of the church, our ultimate community.

2. Doing life together is a blessing.

Living, working, playing, and growing alongside others is a tremendous blessing. We are challenged and encouraged in our walks with Jesus. We can share our joys and our troubles, and we feel seen, understood and loved.

3. Our kids benefit from community.

We are not the only ones who benefit from these friendships. When we have mom friends, our kids will most likely make friends too. They will have playmates, foster connection, and learn important skills in the context of community.

4. We are called to serve others.

Being in relationship with other moms gives us opportunity to serve them. Sure, we can choose to make it about us. We can choose to think about ourselves, talk about ourselves, and wonder what others think of us. Or, we can choose to make it about them.

Tips to Make Mom Friends

1. Pray.

If you feel lonely and crave connection, pray. This is the first step. Tell God how you feel. Go to him with your loneliness. He is ultimately the only one who can meet that need in your heart. You honestly can have all the heartfelt relationships in the world and STILL feel lonely and discouraged.

Jesus is your Greatest Friend. He knows you better than YOU know you, and He loves you totally. He’s not going anywhere. Rest in His love for you. Then, go ahead and ask him for the friendships and relationships HE has in store for you. Just watch Him work.

2. Get out of the house.

This can be easier said than done. For moms of young kids and especially those who are more introverted, being in public places can feel daunting. But if you want to meet other moms, you have to go where they are. The church nursery, the library, the pool, the park, or a community playgroup are all excellent places to come across fellow moms.

3. Say hello (even if it’s awkward).

Now it’s time to be brave, Mama. Say hello to someone new. Introduce yourself, and run the risk of things feeling awkward. Reach out. Ask someone their name, and make the first move.

4. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

How many of us have pre-judged someone? We thought they weren’t going to be kind, when really they were. Indeed some of the most meaningful friendships are the unexpected ones.

5. Initiate gatherings.

Ask someone for coffee. Initiate a walk. Invite a few ladies and their kids for a playdate. You can keep it casual. But go ahead and make the first move.

6. Open your home.

There is something about having people in your home that not only blesses them but really blesses you too. They see your space and get a window into your world. You have the chance to serve, and what’s more? You don’t even have to drive anywhere.

7. Really listen.

There’s a difference between listening for listening’s sake and simply waiting to speak. Seek to listen, to understand and to learn about someone. Ask them questions. This will both encourage them and help you get to know them better.

8. Encourage

Proverbs 11:25 says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Contrary to what we might think, building others up is how we are also built up. When we encourage others, we are encouraged.

9. Remember it takes time to go deep.

Deep friendships don’t happen overnight. They take time, and that’s okay.

Remember that shallow conversations (i.e. the weather, favorite baby products, meal ideas, etc.) aren’t useless ones. They can also be encouraging, and they may just lead to further connection down the road.

10. Be vulnerable.

If the Lord leads you to share something personal, go for it. It may feel scary, but vulnerability can not only deepen friendship, but it can encourage others to share personally too.

11. Pray for them.

Pray for your friends. This will foster your love for them, and bringing someone before the Father is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

12. Make it a routine.

If planning gatherings and get-togethers feels daunting, create a re-occurring event. A weekly workout session, a bi-weekly Bible study, or a once-a-month book club can be great routine gatherings that limit decision making and foster fellowship.

Friendship is a blessing. A good friend is a treasure. So let’s be that for others. Let’s serve their needs, really listen to their troubles, and pray for their hearts. Let’s be good friends.

FAQ about Mom Friends

1. Hospitality as a mom of littles intimidates me. What do I do?

Here is a blog post about hosting with kids!

10 Tips for Hosting as a Young Mom – Thankful Little Mama

2. What if I don’t WANT a lot friends?

People are wired differently. Some people thrive in social situations. Others don’t. But I think we all still need people. We all still need other Jesus-followers spurring us on. We all still need to be a light to those who don’t know Christ.

No, you don’t need LOTS of friends, but I encourage you to invest in a few.